I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
