I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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