can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
