You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
