So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
