a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
