How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
