I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
