gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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