I wannas sexs uuuuu
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
