youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Alive.
So much puke
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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