I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
