If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
