But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
