So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
