Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
