We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
