My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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