I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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