Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
