so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize