i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
