I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
