Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
