Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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