So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
