Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize