whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
