I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize