Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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