when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
