he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
