Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
