So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How's work?
Spinning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
