yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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