I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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