I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
