i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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