i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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