yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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