I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want to have your abortion
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
