Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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