I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
