Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
