I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
