Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
