Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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