Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
