She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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