Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
