Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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