Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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