i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
