He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
