I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
