Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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