this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
