I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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