Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
