right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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