yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
