Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
