I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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