You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
